Because of Her
by justwanttologin
Summary: Bella gives her baby up for adoption and it leaves her numb.
1. Chapter 1

Bella's POV

"Are you sure you don't want to see her?" Edward asks me and I ignore him, turning my head away.

Edward has been my best friend since we were tiny little kids. He was 3 when I was born and my mom let him hold me when I was just 3 days old. Our moms had been best friends since they were in middle school.

Soon after my 16th birthday our parents went out for dinner like they often did leaving me and Edward at home. A couple of hours after they had left a cop showed up telling us they were in a horrible car accident and they all died before help arrived. 

Edward and I were both only children and since he was 19 he didn't have to worry about where he was going to stay. He fought hard for me to be able to live with him until I was 18 and since his family had a lot of money and good lawyers he got custody of me.

Now Edward and I had always been just friends but we were both kind of loners. I bake and read and he plays guitar and sings and writes music. He does perform in local coffee shops and concerts at the parks and stuff when he can but he's a different person on stage and off.

After our parents died I was numb. I didn't want to get out of bed, looking back I was selfish. Edward had to drag me out of bed and feed me and make me shower and it never occurred to me that he was hurting just as much as me.

After I came around a bit I was still so numb. I just wanted to feel so I begged Edward to have sex with me. I read a lot and sex in books is always this amazing, emotional, beautiful thing. Yeah… not so much. It was awkward and I felt guilty for convincing him to do it and he felt guilty that I felt guilty and it was all just so bad. But we were OK.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

Money wasn't the issue. Edward was left enough money to never have to work and not have to worry about it.

The issue was I was still a shell of the person I was before my parents died and Edward had plans. He had been contacted by a record label that wanted to record him. Then he would tour and be busy and gone a lot.

I wanted to travel the country like my parents always wanted me too. We never had a lot of money but they saved all this money for me to go on this tour after I graduated high school. It was something my mom had done after she graduated and it was a huge thing for me to do the same thing. And then I planned on opening a bakery and not raising a baby.

It wasn't that easy for us, we thought about giving up our plans and raising her but in the end we knew she deserved parents that were together and more stable. We wanted her to be someone's miracle.

Edward picked the family; I had nothing to do with it.

And now they're here, in this hospital, with my baby. Their baby. Edward tells me they are a nice couple. Young but stable. Not rich but the husband owns a business and the wife is going to stay home with her. They've tried for a few years to have a baby but doctors tell them the chances are slim.

He sighs and leaves the room telling me he'll be back soon.

They release me the next day and I go on living my life like I am fine. But I feel nothing anymore. I go to school and I hang out with Edward and I'm living but I'm not alive.

Edward sets up therapy for me and it helps. I graduate and take my trip and open my bakery and Edward moves to California. He tries to get me to come but I've lived my whole life here. I'm not leaving.

He visits when he can and we Skype all the time.

Slowly my life seems to be more like a life.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella's POV (5 Years Later)

I'm frosting cupcakes and telling my best friend Alice all my about my night before.

"You're a slut." She tells me.

"No I'm not. I just don't like to get close to people." I defend myself.

"Don't you want to find a nice guy and get married and have a life together?" She asks.

"Nope."

Of course she doesn't understand. She got married to her high school sweetheart and they are madly deeply sickeningly in love.

She's always talking about babies but he's not ready for that. She knows about the baby I gave up but she has no idea how I really feel about her. I play it off like a mistake that I'm over.

The truth is I want to cry every time I see a little girl who looks to be about her age. The truth is I hate myself for what I did. I used to love to bake but now I do it because it's what I know. I do parties and every time I help a little kid frost a cupcake or stir the batter I wish I could be doing it with her.

But I put on my happy face and no one knows how I really feel. Well Edward knows but he's not here enough for that to matter. He visits when can but he's always recording or writing or touring.

"One day you're going to have to grow up." She tells me and I laugh because she's 2 years younger than me.

"If I get tired of all the hot guys coming and going then you will be the first to know." I tell her.

She rolls her eyes and says her guy is hot and he doesn't try to be out of the house before she wakes up.

"They are not always gone. Sometimes I have to put up with coffee or breakfast and every once in a while they try to spend the day together. Some of them are so clingy." She rolls her eyes again and drops it.

The door chimes so I walk out to the front and greet a gorgeous man.

"Hello, how can I help you?" I ask him smiling my most flirty smile.

"Um I need something for my niece's birthday party. All she specified was chocolate." He tells me looking at the stuff in the show case and looking totally confused.

"OK, how old is she? What colors does she like? Does she have hobbies or anything?" I ask him.

"She's 3 and she likes girl stuff. I don't really know." He tells me. Helpful I think.

"OK… we can do just a simple cake with pink or purple frosting. Or flowers or just about anything. Or a candy cake… kids tend to like those and since you don't really know what she likes."

He agrees to that so we work out the details and he leaves.

I watch him walk out and Alice starts talking about how cute he was and how sweet it is that's he's helping with his niece and on and on.

"I get it Alice; hot guys can be nice too. But the nice ones are the ones that get clingy."

We finish out the day and she invites me to her house for dinner and I agree because when I don't agree she gets all pouty and pathetic and it's sad and not worth it.

Jasper is nice and he's perfect for Alice.

He asks us about our day and pours us wine and serves us dinner. Now this part of a relationship I could get used to. My dinners at home consist of frozen foods and take out. I can cook; I just don't see the point when it's just me.

I live at Edward's house because it was paid off and mine got sold and he doesn't use it except when he comes to visit. It's way too big for just me but I love this house. It's meant to be a family house. Even for a family of three it's too big.

After dinner I go home and call Edward like I do every night. He's dating a new girl so we talked about her and we talk about the bakery and he tells me he's planning on coming down sometime in the next couple of weeks to visit me. I tell him to let me know as soon as he has details so I can plan time off.

This is pretty much my life with the random man thrown in a few times a week. I've tried dating, I've even been in a couple of long term relationships but the conversation of kids always comes up and then it all falls apart.

I do not want kids. I gave up the only child I will ever have. Giving her up nearly killed me. Having another child would be too hard and unfair to her. I don't deserve to have a child I do love when I was too selfish to love her.

The next day the hot man who needs the cake for the niece he knows nothing about comes back.

"Hi Sam." Alice greets him chirpily.

He smiles and says hi and I go to the back to get his cake.

"This is amazing Bella." He tells me and I tell him thanks. "Um thanks for helping me decide. My sister is so busy, single mom and all and I do what I can to help."

"Oh it's no problem, it's what I do." 

"Well thanks again." He takes his cake and leaves and I watch him leave again.

"You like him." Alice tells me.

"I don't know him."

"Sometimes you don't have to, not at first. There is just a connection and then you get to know them." She tells me with that dreamy look in her eyes.

Gag.

"He likes you too. I bet you anything he'll be back." She tells me with that annoying I know everything look in her eyes.

"He doesn't seem like the one night type."

"Exactly." She says happily and bounces into the back.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella's POV

Alice was right. Sam did keep coming back and it was always for something that sounded an awful lot like an excuse until he finally asked me to get dinner with him. I thought about saying no but I really did like talking to him whenever he came in so I figured it wouldn't hurt to do dinner once.

The problem is dinner was amazing and then he took me home and called me the next day and now I'm kind of dating him. I really like him but I still hold back a lot. I dread the day the kid issue comes up.

"So how did last night go?" Alice asks me with way too much enthusiasm. Now that it's not a different man every time she wants to hear all about Sam and every detail. It's been a month and 4 dates and no sex. It's very different for me.

"It was great as usual but I'm kind of thinking about breaking it off." I tell her and she gives me a look that would scare just about anyone.

"Why would you break up with him? You are happy. You sing when you frost and you actually enjoy the kids when they come in. You think I don't notice these things but I know you do those parties on autopilot. I notice the way you avoid letting any of the kids touched you. But yesterday… you hugged a little girl."

"He's great Alice. He's everything most women would want but I know all that greatness comes with wanting kids and that's something I am just not willing to change my mind on. So I just feel like it would be better for both of us to break it off now before it goes any farther. I should have never let it go this far."

"Please Bella, just talk to him and then do what you have to do. There is a chance kids aren't a huge thing for him." She begs with her eyes and I tell her I will think about it.

I really like Sam but I don't see someone as perfect as him not wanting kids.

So that night I call him and tell him there is something important I need to talk to him about and he says he needs to talk to me about something important too and we make plans to meet for lunch the next day.

I spent the rest of the night and morning worrying about what he has to tell me even though I doubt it will matter after I tell him with me, kids aren't an option.

Finally lunch time comes around and I head to the restaurant.

He smiles and kisses me and we sit down and order.

"So…" I look at him nervously. "Who gets to start?"

"I will start, this isn't bad or anything. Just something I probably shouldn't have waited so long to tell you. I um, I have a daughter. She's 5, her name is Ren. Well it's Adrienne but everyone calls her Ren because when she was little she couldn't say Adrienne. She's my life Bella. She's the reason I can't see you more often and she's the reason I haven't invited you back to my house. But I want you to meet her. Because you're becoming more and more important to me." He tells me all this and 'm just staring at him. Could this be any worse? I come to tell him kids aren't an option for me and he has a daughter?

"I have to go Sam. Um, this really isn't going to work out. I'm so sorry." Then I just leave. Of course he follows me out and I try to get in my car but he blocks me.

"You're just going to run out because I have a daughter?" He asks me and he looks so hurt.

"I came here to tell you I don't want kids. And that includes someone else's. I'm so sorry Sam but I have this past life and I just can't." I kiss him really quick and I push him out of my way and I drive off. I call Alice to tell her I'm not coming back in today and then I go home and curl up on the couch and cry.

I'm so sad and so angry and I cry and scream and then cry and then my door opens and Alice is there with ice cream and bad movies.

"He has a daughter." I tell her and that's all I have to say.

That night when Edward calls he knows something is wrong so even though I wasn't planning on telling him about it I do. Even though he understands me more than anyone he thinks I'm being dumb.

Maybe I am being dumb but how am I supposed to hang out with someone else's kid when all I can think about is her?

So I go back to what I do best. One night stands and avoiding emotions.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella's POV

Sam tried a few times to talk to me but I blew him off every time. Him having a daughter is a deal breaker. He stopped trying and I got back to living my life.

The problem is I really liked Sam and I miss him.

"Bella!" Alice yells at me and I look down at the mess I made zoning out while decorating a cake.

"Crap, I ruined it." I whine.

She laughs and tells me she can fix it.

"You were thinking about Sam weren't you?" She asks partly in sympathy and partly in annoyance.

She takes my ignoring her as confirmation and sighs.

The months go on and while I still think about him it gets easier and easier.

"Hey Alice, Edward is coming tomorrow and staying for the week, can you handle it without me? We can give Marie extra hours." I ask her.

"Of course! Can I see him? Please?" She begs and I laugh and tell her she can come over for dinner one night.

"You do remember you have a husband right?" I ask her.

She scowls at me and tells me her husband isn't a celebrity.

Right before we're about to close for the day a woman rushes in and begs us to make her 200 cupcakes for a baby shower. The baker who was supposed to make them had a family emergency and didn't tell her until an hour ago and the baby shower is tomorrow afternoon. We agree even though this means I am going to have to work most of the day tomorrow. I call Edward to tell him and he says that's fine, he has things he needs to do anyways.

I get up the next morning and get ready only to have Alice text me that the woman canceled her order. Normally I would be annoyed but I really didn't want to go in today. I decide not to call Edward because I don't want him to cancel whatever plans he already had.

I decide to go out grocery shopping for the week since I don't do a lot of cooking unless Edward is here and I promised Alice dinner and Jasper is toddler picky when it comes to food.

I get breakfast and then spend hours in the grocery store. I love food and cooking so when I have the chance to I tend to go overboard.

I finally finish up and when I get home there are two cars in the driveway, one I assume is Edward's rental and the other one looks familiar. I leave the groceries thinking I will make Edward help me with them and walk in.

I open the door and there is a little girl sitting on my couch watching Bambi. That's a terrible movie. Who lets their kid watch a movie about their a mother being murdered?

"Are you Edward's girlfriend?" She asks.

"Um, no. Just a friend. Where is he?" I ask her and I feel stupid being so awkward around a kid.

"He took daddy outside to see something, a car I think. Daddy likes cars and I guess Edward likes them too."

Yeah Edward does like his cars and if he finds a man who likes cars half as much as he does he might be out there for a while. I'm so confused though, Edward doesn't have any friends here. We were each other's friend. We were loners.

"Who is your dad?" I ask her.

"Um, I am." No, no this is not happening. No. I'm more confused than ever.

"Why are you here?" I ask him and it comes out bitter.

"Yeah I was wondering the same thing about you."

"I live here Sam. You obviously don't. So again… why are you here?"

"I came to see Edward. But… you live here?" He's now confused too but not nearly as confused as me.

"How do you know Edward?" I ask him.

"That's um kind of personal. I will let him tell you."

"There is nothing you can tell me about Edward that I don't know." I tell him and now I'm confused and getting pissed.

"OK fine, Ren is his daughter. I mean his biological daughter. Emily and I adopted her at birth. Did you know about that?" I can tell he's hoping I did know because that is a big thing to tell someone if they didn't know. But of course I knew Edward gave up a daughter.

Instead of answering I run to the bathroom and throw up. Then I lock the door and sit there in shock.

My daughter is sitting on my couch watching TV. I dated the man that adopted my daughter. I broke up with the man that adopted my daughter because of her.


	5. Chapter 5

Edward's POV

Sam walked in to check on Ren and after a while I start to think he's not coming back so I go inside too. I get in and Sam is knocking on the bathroom door begging Bella to come out. Nothing about this situation can be good.

"Sam, what is going on?"

"Bella freaked out and ran into the bathroom and now she won't come out." He tells me and the worry on his face has me confused.

"Do you know Bella?" I ask him.

"Yes, we dated for a couple of months until she found out about Ren and she broke it off saying she doesn't want kids in her life."

Oh this is bad.

"OK Sam, I need you to tell me what you said that made her freak out."

"OK well I'm sorry if I shouldn't have said anything but I told her Ren is your biological daughter." He tells me guiltily.

So bad.

"OK Sam I think I should deal with this. I'm sorry I didn't get to spend the day with you and Ren like I planned but I need to take care of Bella and hope she doesn't hate me."

"I'm sorry Edward but she was talking like you two are super close and she said there wasn't anything I could tell her about you that she wouldn't know and I just kind of told her to make her not angry because even though she broke it off a while ago being in front of her reminded me of how much I miss her. But I take it she didn't know about Ren?"

"Oh she knew." I tell him.

"Then why did she freak out?" He asks.

"Because Ren is her daughter too."

"Um what?"

So I convince him to leave the door and we make sure Ren is OK and then I tell him the whole story. The way she talked about how much she liked him I'm surprised at little he knows about her. I know she's not one to let people in easily but he didn't know anything about me or her parents or that she lived here. I figured she wouldn't tell him about giving up our daughter for adoption. She won't even talk to me about her which is why I didn't tell her I see Ren when I can.

When I first picked Sam and Emily they offered open adoption and I asked them if I could think about it. The second I held her I knew I couldn't live my life without her in it but I also knew that Sam and Emily were the right parents for her. I was trying to take care of Bella and I had a future that didn't include being a father.

Sam and Emily were this picture perfect couple that reminded me a lot of my parents. Sam owns an auto shop and Emily was a kindergarten teacher but she quit as soon as Ren was born.

I put Ren in Emily's arms when she was just hours old and the look of pure adoration and love in her eyes reconfirmed it was the right decision but at the same time Emily knew I wouldn't be able to just walk away.

She told me I was welcome to visit anytime and that she would send me pictures if I wanted and that if Bella ever changed her mind she was welcomed too.

I would see her a few times a year, I wish it was more but with my schedule and hiding it from Bella it's hard. Emily died when Ren was just two and Sam turned to me because I lost my parents and we became pretty good friends. As Ren got older and able to really talk I would talk to her a couple of times a week on the phone.

She knows who I am and she understands as well as a 5 year old can that while she's mine in a way Sam is her father.

Sam and Emily had both asked about Bella in the beginning but I always just told them I didn't feel comfortable telling then anything since she preferred to stay private and they understood.

I never once regretted choosing Sam and Emily even after Sam was a single dad to her. He's a great dad and he's totally devoted to her. He told me all about the great girl he was dating and he was hoping she was the one and then of course he told me she broke up with him because of Ren.

I even thought how odd it was that Bella broke up with a man because he had a daughter at the same time Sam was being broken up with. But it never occurred to me it was the other person they were talking about. I mean seriously what are the chances?

"So she doesn't want kids in her life because she gave Ren up?" He asks.

"Yep, but she doesn't tell anyone about her. She loved her the way only a mother can love a child before they are born. But she knew we couldn't take of her like she deserved. That's also why she never wanted to see her. She knew every time she had to walk away from her it would be like giving her up all over again. And being around any kid hurts. She pretends well when she does her parties and classes but it hurts her. I wish she could move on but I have a feeling this is going to set her way back. Actually seeing Ren and then knowing she's yours. She really likes you; I think she was falling in love with you despite her trying to hold back."

"OK well I just… I guess I will go now so you can talk to her. I'm sorry if I shouldn't have told her." I tell him not to worry about it; I would have ended up having to tell her anyways because she would have wanted to know since it was him in her house.

I tell Ren good bye and promise her we will do something this week and tell her I'm sorry I didn't get to spend any time with her today.

She hugs me and asks if we can go to the zoo before I leave and I tell her I will try my hardest. I tell Sam I will call him soon and make arrangements for another day and I'm glad I'm here for the whole week.

After he leaves I sit outside the bathroom.

"Please let me in Bella." I ask her quietly.

"No, I don't want to see you Edward. You've been keeping this from me for 5 years. I told Sam there was nothing he could tell me about you I didn't know, actually pissed that he thought he knew something I didn't know but I was wrong. How many times were you here without telling me to see her? No, don't answer. Just leave so I can pack my stuff and leave. And then once you're gone I will move out. I don't ever want to see you again."

Well that went as well as I expected.

"Bella I am so sorry I kept this from you. But the day Ren was born I knew I wanted to be in her life and I knew that you couldn't handle it. It started out as just a few visits a year and Emily would send me pictures. But then when she died Sam turned to me because I knew what it was like to lose someone who is so important to me and we became friends. And I love her Bella. Not as much as Sam does but I do love her."

"Go away." She tells me quietly.

"I will leave for a while but I will not walk out of your life and I will not let you walk out of mine either." I tell her and then I leave.

I head to her bakery to tell Alice she needs her. I've never actually met Alice but I've heard a lot about her.

"Oh wow, you're Edward. Alice!" The girl behind the counter yells.

Alice comes bouncing to the front and stops when she sees me.

"Edward. Oh wow, um… I didn't except to see you here. I thought we were going to come to dinner. Not that I'm not so excited to finally meet you." She's so nervous I'm trying not to laugh. It's hard to get used to this part. I don't really feel famous.

"You know him?" The other girl asks in awe.

"Bella knows me actually." I tell her. "You must be Alice."

"Yes, yes I'm Alice. Where is Bella? I figured you would be with her today. She was so happy that our huge order got cancelled." Well that explains why she's home.

"Actually… can we talk in private?" I ask her and she motions for me to follow her into an office.

"Is Bella OK?" She asks and now she's not so nervous but concerned.

"You know about her giving up a baby right?" She shakes her head yes and I so tell her everything that happened this afternoon.

"Wow I know you're famous and I've waited like 3 years to meet you but you're a jerk." She yells at me and then walks to the front to tell the other girl she'll be back before closing.

"Alice, I didn't want to hurt her. I know she likes to pretend that it never happened, that she doesn't exist but I couldn't do that. So I kept it from her to protect her, I know she would have been hurt every time I talked about her but at the same time I didn't think it was fair for me to not see her."

"I get that part but you should have told her even if was for her to tell you she didn't want anything to do with it." She tells me and then she walks out and drives away, to Bella I assume.

I know she's right and I only hope Bella can forgive me.


	6. AN Sorry!

Sorry this isn't an update but I pulled chapters 6-10 because I think everything was moving too fast and I am rewriting! Will hopefully have something up by the end of this week! Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing!


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